All Aboard

I'm fascinated by the underground. All those tunnels, running across and beside each other. But has anyone come up with a decent map? I've scoured the net for a 3D map or one that shows the depth of the various lines, a way to make sense of the steps and escalators one is constantly traversing.

I've come across some good efforts at showing where, topographically, the snaky curves really travel, sometimes with an overlaid street map. Or a re-rendering of the classic tube map, spoiling all its graceful and reassuring straight lines and right angles with curly representations.

But I want to know how deep underground the Victoria line is; is it above or below the Central line or the Northern line; do they ever cross above or below each other; how is it that at some stations the platform for northbound is higher than southbound? Are the lines on a uniformly flat gradient or have I really detected a slight uphill feeling and have my ears continued to pop with the pressure at the same part of the Jubilee line due to a downhill surge? And who is that woman who tells me "The next station is Victoria. Change here for the District and Circle lines, National Rail, and the Victoria Coach Station" - she must still be around because the message at Brixton has changed to say it has step-free access (which is a lie) with no discernable difference in tone with the old message. These are just some of the questions I've been pondering over... Then there are all the tunnels that aren't used for the trains, old tracks and old abandoned stations. It’s a tunnel graveyard down there below the sewers and waterways. Queensway station on the Central line has been closed for ages and the train slows as it goes through the deserted tiled platform, like it's sneaking through when no one's looking. Frankly it's a little spooky.

The underground is old and what is that peculiar taste you get in the back of your throat after a journey? Is it the same stuff that blackens your tissue? Is it, as one book claims, over 100 years of dead skin wafting through the tunnels?

But I love that the tube is old - it brings sweet traditions with it like that all the stations have different feature tiles so that the illiterate could recognise the stations.

And the other night I saw that the American Werewolf in London chased a man through the tunnels and escalators of Tottenham Court Road station.

We watched a film called Creep, which was set in the tube after hours. A tipsy girl falls asleep on the platform and misses the train. She wakes up to find the station locked up etc. Of course there are horrid creatures living in the tunnels... Really, I wouldn't bother AT ALL. But it is interesting that someone could make such a dead cert flop out of a germ of a good idea when the going rate for filming in the underground is some £250 a night. Yet another frustrating example of those with too much money and not enough sense.

A Reception For Mike Rann

This evening I attended a reception for Mike Rann at Australia House. And yes, I did bump into people I knew. John Kelly was there, as was Haroon Hassan. The Audreys put in an appearance too, being in town on their two and a half month tour with manager Alistair Cranney. What does it take to get a few folk in business dress to meet Mike? The promise of Vilis pies, Coopers Ale & Pale Ale and some Yalumba wines. For such treats we even stood through Mike’s speech (apparently a very slightly updated version of last year’s) where he told us ‘what was happening in South Australia’. So what’s happening?

Well, there’s a huge defence contract for starters. Woo hoo. Yep, millions of bucks building warships or some such. They’ve even managed to get a platoon or something relocated from Sydney to Edinburgh, which must have the pubs rubbing their hands together. I’m sure there’s plenty he left out which I will guess at rather than research: plenty of ‘incentives’ to land the contract such that its net value is probably negligible. But hey, it’s job creation, job creation, job creation. Retention? We’ll worry about that next time they vote. Somewhere in there was talk of a dedicated support area that started to sound suspiciously MFP-like.

What else? Mining and plenty of it. He rattled off all sorts of figures about the exploration potential having increased – there’s even a mine that’s bigger than anyone thought. Given the tout on the generic ‘mining’, could we help but speculate it was probably uranium he was talking about?

So the Premier on a junket (he’d just flown in from Cannes) comes all the way to London to tell us there’s plenty of defence and mining jobs in the offing. Oh and they’ll probably need lawyers too. A small snigger went round the room when he spoke of needing environmental lawyers – ‘guess they’re foreseeing a little trouble with that mining thing’.